I can remember having this strong desire to get married, and longing for the opportunity to have a wedding. But, that was just it. I was wanting a wedding; pretty dress, cute guy, loads of gifts, you name it. But, that was it when it came to the idea of marriage. I wasn't preparing myself for being one with another human being. I wanted that connection, but every guy I would meet gave me a lot of doubt for wanting to get married. So until I was 22, the idea of marriage sounded like a death trap to me, but you may wonder what changed? I did. I stopped focusing on failed relationships and the "almost-dates-turned-relationship-official". I just learned to focus on how I could find myself during this season of waiting to meet my husbnad, and by doing that I had to deepen my relationship with Christ. I'm still not as deep as I would like to, but every day is a new beginning to work harder.
In my heart, I've never met my husband. He isn't an ex-date or a boy I had a crush on back in college. I believe he's someone new. We might have seen each other, come in contact before, or we might have never met. Which ever one I'm all for God directing my path. I often find myself quoting with friends Song of Solomon "Don't awaken love before it's time". It's so easy to get caught up in other people's relationships, but really why would you want someone else's marriage or life? Do you really know their marriage? Do you know what they put up with on a daily basis? I don't know about you, but I want my own beautiful love story created by God. I don't want to look back and say I wish I didn't settle with ol' what's his name. Just because an attractive guy who appears to have his eyes set on Christ approaches me, it doesn't mean he's my husband. If the peace isn't there, then that's a sign that the boy isn't my husband. Yes, I'm all for awkward first dates and not knowing what to do with my fidgety hands (I personally desire that.lol), but there should still be peace with both partners.
You may ask, "How do you know you have a husband or you'll get married one day?". I have two answers for that: First, having faith and the second is Psalm 37:4. Answer one: Having faith
doesn't mean you fantasize and obsess about getting married because then you'll just cause yourself anxiety when days, weeks, and months pass by with no sign of a spouse. Having faith means staying focused on serving the Lord and realizing that the desires in your heart were placed there for a reason. For biblical reference, (1 Corinthians 7:9-) It is better to marry than to burn with passion.(laughing emoji). It sounds like a soap opera, but it's so true. Answer two: Psamls 37:4 "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart". As long as I keep my eyes set on honoring Christ with my life, my heart's desires will be inline with the path God has for me. My heart will no longer desire the things of this world that does not glorify our heavenly father.
Even though I don't know who my husband is, I can sense his presence. So, when I pray for him it's as if I can sense what's going on in his life. It's a feeling that I can't quite verbally explain or write, so when I'm able, I write down the prayers I have for him with the date. I write the date with the prayer so that when my husband and I are married, I can show him what I was praying while single to see how his life lines up with what he was going through on that date. I think it'll be a beautiful thing to experience. Now, back to marriage being a death trap? It's definitely, not! It's a forever union of two people, but you must look at "trap" with a positive connotation in order to fully understand the idea. The word trap is what your forced or tricked into. Marriage is not a death "trap", unless you are being forced into the union. Marriage is a sacred covenant and agreement between two people who are dying daily to their sins. Your selfish qualities are dying daily so that you can live according to God's will with your spouse. When people say, "Marriage is a death trap", they are basically saying I'm too selfish to love anyone enough to put aside my worldly needs. Whether single or married, you are dying daily to your worldly desires and interests. For biblical reference: Ephesians 5:25-27 "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish".
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